• Toxic-Parents by Dr. Susan Forward

Co-dependency Checklist

Co-dependency Checklist

  1. Solving his problems or relieving his pain is the most important thing in your life – no matter what the emotional cost to me.
  2. My good feelings depend on approval from him.
  3. I protect him from the consequences of his behavior. I lie for him, cover up for him, and never let others say anything bad about him.
  4. I try very hard to get him to do things my way.
  5. I don’t pay any attention to how I feel or what I want.  I only care about how he feels and what he wants.
  6. I will do anything to avoid getting rejected by him.
  7. I will do anything to avoid making him angry at me.
  8. I experience much more passion in a relationship that is stormy and full of drama.
  9. I am a perfectionist and I blame myself for everything that goes wrong.
  10. I feel angry, unappreciated, and used a great deal of the time.
  11. I pretend that everything is fine when it isn’t.
  12. The struggle to get him to love me dominates my life.

Susan Forward, Ph.D. with Craig Buck
Toxic Parents

Kelly and I picked Toxic Parents as a must-read and a must-work- through the book because of its sheer magnitude of tools for your emotional intelligence toolkit. Susan Forward kills it (meaning she is bang on) when she declares she can help you “Overcome their hurtful legacy and reclaim your life”. Forward and Craig Buck begin by giving you all of the answers to the questions “Why would my parents do this to me?” and “How could my parents do this to me if they loved me?”. Without understanding these two important questions, we simply can’t get too far in living our own healthy adult lives. Once we can grasp these answers, then we can see their hold on us whether our parents are alive or dead. And only then, can we begin to see ourselves as separate from them and begin the process of thinking for ourselves.

If you have a parent or parents who raised you with a codependence and enmeshment toolkit, then your EQ (emotional intelligence) is sorely lacking and will be undoubtedly very low. The good news is you can grow your EQ toolkit any moment you wish to do so. Why bother, you may ask? Because it is relationship suicide not to.

Here are some questions you get answered in these pages:

  • Do your parents still treat you as if you were a child?
  • Do you have intense emotional or physical reactions after spending time with your parents?
  • Do your parents control you with threats or guilt?
  • Do they manipulate you with money?
  • Do you feel that no matter what you do, it’s never good enough for your parents?
  • Did your parents tell you, you were bad or worthless?
  • Were you often frightened of your parents?

Kelly and I believe you do not need to be stuck in any of this pain any longer. But just wishing it away, or wishing it would change, or complaining about it will do you any good or bring about any changes in your relationships or in the way you think. You need a process and tools. You need a plan and check with someone to see if and how you are progressing. You need accountability and someone to celebrate with when you make a small step forward (no pun intended). This book is a game-changer and when a game-changer is presented to you……what do you do?

2019-05-21T10:56:29-04:00May 24th, 2019|Categories: Books, firesidefriday|